Be Still in the Presence of God - A Testimonial from Bob Manke
/Many people in the parish are aware that I am battling a rare form of pancreatic cancer. It’s been a little over a year now. Many of my friends were surprised how calm I remained after receiving such a devastating diagnosis. One reason is that cancer has been prevalent in my family so I was not overly surprised. Disappointed but not surprised. The second reason is that I accepted that this is not a battle I can wage alone. It is not a battle that I and my medical team can win on our own. It is a journey with God and I insist that He be with me every step of the way no matter how the journey ends.
As I had been very active at St. Peter’s and as my illness progressed, I wondered if the way that I am approaching my illness could perhaps be spiritually uplifting for my parish family. To this end, I offer this testimonial, a witnessing of God’s presence in the midst of all that I am enduring.
While attending the College for Congregational Development with Fr. Craig, I was exposed to The Night Prayer from A New Zealand Prayer Book. This prayer quickly became a favorite. It begins:
Lord it is night.
The night is for stillness.
Let us be still in the presence of God.
At that time, I mulled over what it meant to be still in the presence of God. My first inclination was that it meant to quietly contemplate God’s kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever. This inclination is consistent with the words of the psalmist: “Be still, and know that I am God! I am exalted among the nations, I am exalted in the earth.” (46:10 NRSV)
After my diagnosis I continued to mull over the meaning of being still in the presence of God. It occurred to me that it might mean to rid oneself of all distractions and thus to be open to see, hear and feel the presence of God. This is a difficult task for most of us but one that can become easier when one deliberately searches for where God has overtly engaged in their life. I would like to share some examples where this has occurred during my illness.
During my first appointment with the oncologist, while in the very midst of an explanation of the diagnosis and subsequent plan of attack, a vision entered my mind. This vision was a brief view of two shadowy figures walking into the distance. It was like the vision drawn by the poem Footsteps in the Sand. Knowing I cannot wage the battle alone, I accepted the vision as God’s reassurance, right then, to accompany me on this journey wherever His will would lead. I saw and I felt the presence of God through this vision.
The prayer continues:
The night is dark.
Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives rest in you.
The night is quiet.
Let the quietness of your peace enfold us,
all dear to us,
and all who have no peace.
When one has a terminal disease, the night becomes a time when one is alone with one’s thoughts, anxieties, and fears. After my first round of chemotherapy, I encountered a situation where my blood counts went dangerously low. I was bleeding internally. More concerning was the fact that when your white blood cells are extremely low, the bacteria that are very good within your digestive tract can actually transgress the digestive tract walls and cause serious infections. At the time, I did not realize how critical my situation was. I was running a temperature of 105 degrees. It took days to grow cultures which would determine the exact bacteria that needed to be countered.
One night I was laying in my hospital bed wishing this distraction would be over so I could get back to battling the cancer. Those that know me know that I am not prone to anxiety but I sat up as I felt my anxiety rapidly growing. Realizing what was happening, I prayed to God to quell the anxiety. I prayed for His peace. Instantaneously, I felt that God had, in the words of the prayer, let my fears rest in Him and that I was enfolded in His peace. I literally felt peace coursing through my body. I laid back down and all was calm. I was aware that I had again felt the presence of God. Glory be to God.
The night is for stillness.
Let us be still in the presence of God.
How do we recognize the presence of God? The odds are that it won’t be as dramatic as the roar of wind and the descending flames of the first Pentecost or as the Lord’s appearance to St. Paul on the road to Damascus. It might happen when we are rightly oriented in our relationship with God. What does that mean? How do we learn about the relationship God desires we have with Him? Can we prepare to recognize the presence of God?
We are encouraged to read, mark, learn and inwardly digest the Holy Scriptures; the Living Word. The intent isn’t so that we all become Biblical scholars. The intent is that we learn about, and open ourselves to, God’s love for us and how He is engaged in every aspect of our lives.
This love forms the basis where God’s freely given grace for us is on one side and our true faith in God is on the other. This is the Gospel; the Good News. We are commanded to “Love the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,” and to “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Believing in this heavenly bond and trying to live the Greatest Commandment forms a right relationship.
This right relationship with God has been taught for millennia. We have been taught this through the spanning ministries of Fr. Andy, Fr. Craig and now of Fr. Drake. It is timeless. It is in every homily. It is taught through our individual or group Bible studies. When we are open to the message, the Holy Spirit helps us grow into a right understanding. Let the Living Word open you up to the relationship your Lord desires and thus to the presence of God in your life. Our beloved sister, Zoe, understood this relationship and lived this understanding.
This reassuring presence of my Lord has been a blessed gift to me. This gift isn’t just meant for those dealing with terminal diseases. I have felt God’s presence before contracting cancer. God’s presence can be seen, heard, and felt throughout our lives. I can relate to these words of the psalmist, “But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, to tell of all your works.” (73:28 NRSV)
How much better a relationship with God not built on hearsay but one that is based on encountering God. I invite you to contemplate where God has been present in your life.
I pray that you too learn how to be still in the presence of God. I pray that you learn to let your fears rest in Him and that His peace enfolds you.
Although it is not night, I would like to share the complete night prayer:
The Night Prayer
Lord, it is night.
The night is for stillness.
Let us be still in the presence of God.
It is night after a long day.
What has been done has been done;
what has not been done has not been done;
let it be.
The night is dark.
Let our fears of the darkness of the world and of our own lives rest in you.
The night is quiet.
Let the quietness of your peace enfold us,
all dear to us,
and all who have no peace.
The night heralds the dawn.
Let us look expectantly to a new day,
new joys,
new possibilities.
In your name we pray. Amen
Robert C. Manke